Left Behind
by Michelle Birkby
Summary: Spoilers for season eight. SJ pairing. How does Jack cope with being left behind when Sam takes over SG1?
1. Default Chapter

Summary; Jack has trouble coping with being left behind when Sam takes charge of SG1  
  
Status; complete  
  
Author's notes._italics_ indicates flashbacks  
  
Feedback;... what keeps me writing.  
  
"Are they back yet?" Jack bellowed, leaning over the banister of the stairs outside his new office. He hated running up and down his stairs. Did his knee no good.  
  
Walter Davis sighed. He was beginning to wish he'd followed General Hammond to Washington, but he'd promised he'd stay, and ease General O'Neill into his new role.  
  
But then again, General Hammond had never shouted down from his office. He'd come down and stood quietly behind Davis as he requested a status report. Walter missed that.  
  
"Not yet, Sir." Walter shouted back, shrugging at the pretty tech next to him.  
  
"How overdue are they now?" Jack shouted.  
  
"Only half an hour, Sir. That's quite normal for SG1." Walter reminded him.   
  
Jack went back into his office. Only half an hour. Overdue was overdue, no matter how long it was. And what did he mean, 'normal for SG1'. It wasn't as if they exactly made a habit of being overdue, or in trouble, or disappearing altogether.  
  
Well, okay, maybe he did. But this was Carter's first mission as Colonel. Maybe not her first without him, but now it was the first of many without him, and remembering what usually happened to SG1, he was nervous.  
  
He tried to settle down to the paperwork, but his mind drifted back to seeing them off that morning.  
  
_"Colonel Carter." He said, standing at the bottom of the ramp, waiting for them.  
  
"General O'Neill." She replied, grinning so hard that her cheeks must have ached. "That still sounds weird." She told him, in an undertone.  
  
"What, the General? I know, it's odd, I'm still don't get why they gave it to me. I mean, it's not like I saved the planet, or anything"  
  
"No, I mean the Colonel Carter." She said, laughing at him.  
  
"Oh, right." He smiled, proudly. "Well deserved, I assure you. And long overdue, too."  
  
"Thank you." She said, smiling sweetly. "You too, Sir." He grimaced in reply, as Daniel and Teal'c came in.  
  
"Good luck, guys. And try to miss me, ok?" he said to the three of them, as the gate whooshed open. Carter took a nervous breath, which he pretended not to notice.  
  
_"_It'll be weird without you, Jack." Daniel told him.  
  
"That's crap, Daniel. You're looking forward to not having me ordering you around all the time." Jack told him, good humouredly. Daniel shrugged in agreement.  
  
"Well, I guess all that's left for me to say is, SG1, you have a go." He patted Carter's arm as she went by, reassuringly. She nodded, took a deep breath, and headed up the ramp, at the head of her team. Daniel glanced back once, and waved at Jack, but Carter went straight through without a backward glance._  
  
Jack glanced at his watch. Forty-five minutes late. Well, nothing to worry about, just yet.  
  
When they'd left, he'd felt oddly bereft, standing in the gateroom. He couldn't concentrate on his paperwork, so he tried to do what he always tried to do to relax when he had been plain Colonel O'Neill. He went for a wander around the base.  
  
But people had left Colonel O'Neill alone in his wanders. General O'Neill was a different matter. Wherever he went, people kept coming up to him, asking him to sign this, get them that. Even sitting in the commissary, the guy who gave him his cake moaned about how the delivery's were always late and could he get something done about it? He'd wandered into SG13's locker room, and tried to give them some friendly advice about the mission they were going on, until Colonel Dixon took him to one side and said,  
  
"Jack, all respect for your rank, and all that, but you're making my guys nervous, so leave, before I kick you out?"  
  
"Fair point." Jack conceded. So eventually, he found his footsteps leading to the one place he knew he could always find peace.  
  
Sam's lab.  
  
He opened the door, and peered inside. It was dark, as usual, lit by hundreds of blinking lights from her instruments. He'd once asked her what all the lights were, and she'd begun to tell him, only for him to beg her to stop after the fifth one. Her papers still laid strewn across the desk where she'd left them, the briefing report she'd given this afternoon on her desk, pencil notations scribbled all over it. Strange, he'd thought that was Daniel's habit, scribbling all over things. She must have picked it up from him. Silently, he closed the door.  
  
It wasn't the same. He'd thought he'd find peace in here. Instead, without her, it was just empty. They'd be no peace for him in here until she returned.  
  
He picked up the briefing report, the first briefing he'd ever taken as General.  
  
_"Carter." He said, as Daniel and Teal'c left.   
  
"Sir?"  
  
"Was that ok? The briefing, I mean, did I do it ok?" he asked, genuinely nervous. She smiled.  
  
"Perfect, Sir. You even let me finish my report, which is a first." He exhaled, and nodded. This was more nerve-wracking than he imagined. When he'd first come in, he'd made straight for the chair next to the head of the table, where he normally sat. It was only when Carter had made for the that chair, and nodded to the top of the table, that he realised that was where he was supposed to sit.  
  
"How's it going?" she asked.  
  
"Paperwork is hell! You know I'd happily take on a pissed off Anubis and all his armies, but if I have to write one more report..." he confided in her. She laughed.  
  
"If you need any help, I'd be happy to..."  
  
"No, you've got your own work to do now." He told her, though he seriously considered taking up her offer.  
  
"Nervous?" he asked her. She clutched her papers a little tighter.  
  
"I've been in command before." She reminded him. "But yeah," she admitted, "I'm nervous. Any advice?"  
  
"Well, always let Teal'c take the six. He's got ears like a bat. Daniel, well at least he can shoot now, and doesn't get killed every other mission, but he does still have a tendency to walk straight into trouble. And one other really important thing, and this is the best piece of advice I can give you. It's saved my ass on numerous occasions."  
  
"Yes, Sir?" she asked, her eyes wide. He moved a step closer, looked around to see no-one was listening, and said, as if it were a great secret.  
  
"Carter is always right. Whatever she wants to do, let her."  
  
She laughed, and he was pleased to see she was more relaxed.  
  
"It'll be strange without you." She told him.  
  
"It'll be strange staying here. I can't believe you're going on a mission without me. I can't believe I'm letting you."  
  
"I know. You don't let go easily, Sir." She said, and for a moment, their conversation held an undercurrent both knew was there, but neither acknowledged.  
  
"Don't get into trouble." He said seriously.  
  
"Well, if I do, at least I know there's someone back here who'll come and get me." she said, trying to make a joke of it, but he stayed serious.  
  
"I'll always come for you. If you need me." he assured her.  
  
"Thank you, Sir, that's good to know."  
  
She left, after that, eager to get ready. _


	2. chapter 2

Jack sighed, glancing down at the mission briefing in his hands. It was a simple enough mission, but he knew from experience how often simple turned into horrific catastrophe. It was almost more than he could bear, letting her go into that alone. Well, maybe not alone, she had Daniel and Teal'c, and that was the only reason this was ok. He'd knew they'd never let any harm come to her. But still, to not be there, not to watch her when she wasn't looking, not to catch her when she fell, or protect her when the bad guys came for her, not even to look round and see her face beside him, it was killing him. The thought that something could happen to her, the kind of thing that happened to SG teams on a regular basis, and SG1 more than most, and not be there, just to be with her as disaster struck, was an unbearable sharp pain. Not that she needed protecting, but that he needed to protect her.  
  
He felt a twinge in his knee, and he winced. This was the reason he'd finally accepted he had to stop going on missions. Three knee operations so far, and it still wasn't back to normal, and never would be. Not to mention the other scars, and aches, and injuries that were beginning to slow him down, have to make him work a little harder to catch up with Teal'c, to even catch up with Daniel. And that last experience, with the Ancient's repository, and being frozen, had really drained him. He hadn't told anyone (he wouldn't have had to tell Janet, she'd have guessed. God, he missed her) but he still hadn't fully recovered. There were still days when it hurt just to get out of bed. And what would have been the point of being there, with her, with all of them, if he no longer had the strength to protect her? Being left behind was bad, but worse would have been to go with her, and fail to help her at the crucial moment because he was no longer the man he had been.  
  
"Incoming wormhole." He heard Davis announce, and ignoring the twinge in his knee, he ran.

Out of old habit, he ran directly into the gateroom, instead of the control room where he belonged. He glanced up at the window.  
  
"It's SG1's code." Davis announced, calmly.   
  
"Open the iris." Jack ordered. It spun open, so slowly, and then the gate opened. And to his relief, SG1 came down the ramp, all alive, together and unhurt.  
  
"You're late." He snapped.  
  
"Sorry, Sir. Daniel got caught up in some local trouble." Sam explained.  
  
"It's always you, isn't it." Jack accused, looking at Daniel, but still too relieved to be really angry.  
  
"It wasn't my fault!" Daniel insisted. "These creatures..."  
  
"Not now." Jack halted him. "You can tell me at the debrief in half an hour."  
  
Daniel started to argue, then noticed that Sam had come to a stop in front of Jack, and his attention was now fully on her. Teal'c and Daniel left.  
  
"So, it went okay?" he asked. She looked different. Her back was little straighter, her chin a little higher. Confidence radiated out of her. She looked every inch a commander, and Jack had a flashback, to eight years ago, standing here with a nervous, awe-struck captain, reaching for the gate with wonder. She'd changed so much, and every change for the better.  
  
"It went fine, Sir."  
  
"Did you miss me?" he asked, hands in pockets, rocking on his heels nonchalantly, to cover the intensity behind the question. She smiled  
  
"Very much. But it's good to have you to come back to." She told him, and he felt a little warmer inside. It wasn't so bad, being left behind, if she came back to him. She turned to leave, then turned back.  
  
"Sir, after the debriefing, do you want to get some cake, and I can tell you all the things that won't make the official report?". She smiled, a little nervously, as if she shouldn't be asking the question. He felt a little relieved. Beneath Colonel Carter, she was still his Sam.  
  
"Carter, I will always want to have cake with you." He told her. They left, and for once, knowing there was nobody more senior on base to keep an eye on the regs, he put his hand on her back as they left the gateroom.  
  
THE END


End file.
